The
Mummy
Yes, I’m a stubborn idiot, a contrary. When people tell me something, when they make some sort of arguable statement about anything, I always feel obligated to defend the opposite opinion. My friends have diagnosed this inability to agree with anything they say as being a hypersensitive manifestation of the not uncommon American disease: Assholitis. I prefer to think of myself as more of a freethinker than an A-hole, an individual, a man who does not follow the herd, and not a diseased riddled cranky old gasser. So, when I heard all the disparaging words from my friends about the movie, The Mummy (2017), I, of course, had to go and see for myself. I mean, I saw all the trailers for it, and the trailers (there were a lot of them for a very long time, I think) where exciting, full of action. It seemed like watching The Mummy would a nice way to pass a warm, spring afternoon in Norman, Oklahoma. But none of my friends or relatives was of the same opinion. NO ONE would go with me, and since I don’t drive and the weather was too hot for me to tootle my bike 4.5 miles to the local theatre, I was stuck. No Mummy for me. Fortunately, my friend, David, saw the forlorn look on my wrinkled face, that desperate sadness I exude whenever I don't get my way. He offered to take me to see The Mummy, BUT he wouldn’t watch it because he doesn’t like Tom Cruise. So, he dropped me at the Regal 14 and he drove off to get his car serviced. AND I got a ticket, walked into the already dark theatre because the movie was starting, grabbed a seat and . . . had a hell of a good time.
So, I’m sorry my friends, but my Assholitis is still running its course through my crumbling body, and I'm telling you that The Mummy is a damn good action/horror film. Yes, it is more Mission Impossible than it is The Mummy’s Hand (1940), but it still contains that old Universal Studios' popcorn movie magic. And yes, there’s no slow movin’, mummified Kharis sneaking up on people and politely chocking them to death, oh hell no! The new and improved mummy is an ass-kicking, murdering, energy stealing (sucks the “life force" out of any man who gets close enough to her mummy mouth!), psychopathic witch-mummy played with excruciating evilness by the lovely and wickedly talented Sofia Boutella.
And the special effects and action sequences? Forget about it! Some of the best action scenes ever filmed. The plane crash scene (which was mostly filmed using the plane that astronauts use for zero gravity training) was spine rattling! CGI use was brilliantly blended with life action . . . almost flawless. There’s a scene where Mummy attacks Cruise’s character (Nick Morton) with a ton of nasty black rats that swarm all offer him; it gave me the hibbie-jibbies and I don’t hibbie- jibbies that easily. And there’s nothing nastier than watching Mummy suck the life out of the guys who get in her way. I’ll never French kiss again!
Sure, there are a few glitches. Cruse’s Nick Morton character is a fast talking, cowardly klutz that sort of reminded me of a very muscular Lou Costello. The character is really affective as a morally corrupt, spineless dope that just finds himself in a mess in which he has to be the hero. And Cruise doesn’t always get the comic timing right but it’s a minor enough fault that it doesn’t slow down the overall great acting job he’s doing. And the scenes which feature Russel Crowe as Dr. Henry Jekyll, the leader of a secret government organization that it is bent on destroying all monsters and humans that get in his way, just seems thrown in there for no real reason other than to maybe tie this movie to future Dark Universe movies. And Crowe seems to be only going through the actor motions like he was sitting in some bar when all of a sudden some casting director came up and said, “Want to be in a movie? RIGHT NOW!” The secret society thing just doesn’t feel right within the context of the rest of this flick.
So, I know, no matter what I say most of you are still gonna think The Mummy (2017) is an awful movie and there is no way in hell you’re going to go see it. And you may well be right. It’s possible that I “wanted” to like this movie only because everybody says “It’s horrible! It’s got Tom Cruise in it.”
No comments:
Post a Comment